Que vois-tu
What do you see when you see me?
On a sunny wednesday morning, I slipped into my tees, oversized joggers and flip flops to run errands for the parents. As I approached the automated teller machine, a strikingly handsome young man caught my attention. He had perfectly trimmed facial hair, skin like a babe and in my imagination I was sure he sounded honeyed anytime he spoke. There was a queue at the branch but I figured if I asked him to help me with my transaction, I would get it done faster and it would be an opportunity to engage in a conversation with him. I comported myself in the best way I could as I got down from the car, walked up to him and said, ”hi good morning, could you help me withdraw some money when it gets to your turn, the queue is really long and people might be offended if I go before them”.
He stared at me in the most uncomfortable manner from my shoes up to my hair and replied in a flat tone saying why would I do that? To be honest, this was absolutely shocking to me because I had never approached someone who came off as rude directly. Taken aback I smiled and bored into his eyes, I calmly said its okay to refuse, you don’t have to be rude about it. Immediately someone tapped my shoulder and said my child, didn’t you see us here, next time leave your engagement ring at home before you confront other men. What! Every fibre in my bones wanted to tell the elderly woman to mind her business and mock her for not knowing the difference between a commitment ring and a fashion ring but I couldn’t. It isn’t African to challenge elders; at least that’s what they taught us while growing up. This was already enough drama for a hot morning in Jos,Nigeria and I couldn’t afford to be called names after being embarrassed twice. I eventually joined the queue and fiddled with the ring on my finger till I pulled it out.
After using the ATM, I was about to leave when the same guy came to apologize for being stuck-up and not saying anything when the elderly lady censured me. I thought to myself, maybe he did have some decorum since he apologized but that didn’t matter anymore, I had lost interest in establishing any type of cordial relationship; my day had already been ruined because of opinions from strangers. This experience triggered a question in my mind; do people really address you based on how you’re dressed or accessorized? If you think on this, you will find that the answer is definitely yes.
“Dress how you want to be addressed”, a cliché that remains arguable but factual. Have you tried going for a party in your pyjamas or attending a picnic with work clothes? You must’ve felt out of place and probably treated as a misfit simply because you weren’t dressed for the occasion. Imagine how I felt being misjudged because of a fashion ring, terrible. As social beings that interact and co-operate with others on a daily basis we must learn to co-exist without being socially awkward. Dressing appropriately for every distinct occasion determines how you are perceived whether you like it or not. This is often influenced by peoples’ mindset on how particular accessories or patterns of dressings are affiliated with a certain group of people. Wearing a nose ring or an anklet could get you in trouble with overly religious people, wearing revealing or tacky clothes could earn you a great deal of disrespect in other cases.
On a different occasion, I had to pick up a package from a friends office. I didn’t expect that I would spend a lot of time there so I put on a simple outfit and sandals to breeze in and out of the office. It took longer than expected and I was introduced to his boss and almost all his colleagues in the end. Appearing so casual in a corporate environment was awkward, it dragged unnecessary attention and my friend looked a little embarrassed trying to explain that I was here to pick up a package and not deliver food. Appearance determines the way a person is perceived. People can be misjudged or approached wrongly because of how they look, It may seem shallow to be judged by a complete stranger just because of your appearance but this is ineluctable. It is important to appear ready in any situation, consider your looks as the first introduction you have with anyone that catches a glimpse of you. If you have been lackadaisical about paying attention to how you look, I hope this article helps you have a rethink and encourages you to prioritize grooming yourself. Spice up your look; it may be a with a new perfume, Jeans that fit nicely, pretty shoes or better polos; appear a little more chic and make a statement every time you walk into a new space. This could lead to better relationships and also pave a way for other healthy interactions.
