Scents from a burnt out candle
Hi Mac,
I hope this meets you well. I know you’re wondering why I seemed unhappy, why the light in my eyes got so dim overnight, why I simply didn’t talk as much. It will only be fair for me to clear the air.
I got sore from working my heart threadbare for two. Loving you and loving me for you.
I finally got tired of the one-sided effort on this team project.
And like a lone candle lit in the dark
I got burnt out for us.
In love with a mannequin I was;
the fancy looks, the perfect fit. I tried to blend in but I wasn’t plastic so it hurt. You were different, not the persona I thought I knew.
We’ve always been strangers so don’t ask why I changed. You never knew me, you only knew the parts that were easy to see.
You never knew what to say, it’s like you were never taught how to say caring and loving things, you were taught to say what had to be said. Taught to be logical, be realistic, be rigid, be yourself, plastic.
So I’m constantly stuck trying to figure out what you feel, filling the empty space and listening to the echoes in your silence.
The idea of you being mine was consoling, your physical presence was soothing but that was all we had. Me and my idealogy.
Two hearts beating in sync to different rhythms. I ask myself why I stayed so long, I guess I was hopeful.
Staying there for me and for the longing of you.
I was bent on making it work for
You were no antagonist.
You just didn’t know what to do and when
Which was worse
Because beats uncoordinated could only be noise
And so the many frequencies you gave jammed my signal.
You were too busy with the things you loved more than me so it was fine for you to not notice that I was fading away
Im sorry I left
Sorry for me, for I still want you
But how can I pull you close and still be asked for space
Sorry for me, cause I still feel the way I did
But how can I live telling myself a lie, living in uncertainty
Making moves with one pawn on an empty chessboard .
You probably don’t want me back because it makes no difference to you. After all I needed you not the other way round
And that’s okay
I just wanted you to understand why;
Why I got to choose me in the end
Why I’d prefer to be alone than stay lonely with you.
#letterssheneverwrote
